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The Jerk Debate - page 3
Do women only go for men who treat them badly?
(Do men only go for women who do the same?)
Page 1
2 3
A guy says - women want strong men, even if they are jerks...
Why women are attracted to jerks
Want to call in a response to this topic? Here is the number. Your
privacy is assured - I will not see your phone number. There is no charge to
call other than any long-distance charges from your phone company.
Phone 214-615-6044 Extension 3969
More responses sent in by email:
Dear Mimi,
Thanks so much for this email, I was in exactly the same position a couple of
months ago and had to let go of this 'great man' as i was becoming increasingly
unpleasant.
thanks for letting me know i did the right thing. Love all your emails,have a
great weekend.
(She's referring to the email on
page 1 )
 Hello Mimi Tanner:
Just a question. I don't believe that real women like
"cute" sweet men. Real women like manly men. Too many
men in our society today are becoming so feminized that
it is disturbing. Most of the top leading men in
Hollywood today are not masculine.
The male actors in the 40's , 50's, 60's, i.e. John
Wayne, Clark Gable, Errol Flynn, Sean Connery, Gary
Cooper, etc. were very manly. What happened?
Ann
My name is Michal, Sydney, Australia. female. How you
rekindle attraction
begins with you...its how you hold your own...and what you are offering, if
he recognises this as being of benefit to him, he will "respond" and the
wheels will turn. If he doesn't, that's his way of saying his not
interested, and a clue that is a blessing in disguise.
Women "don't" prefer
jerks, they prefer men who have an edge, unfortunately, some men over do
it...and its a woman's job to crack the whip when he gets out of line
immediately, works for me (smiles)...
Hi, as strange as this may sound but i
have the tendency to treat the good guys bad and respect the bad ones. Could it
be that the good ones i feel i have control over them because they are so
sensitive, i dont mean to do. I just dont know how to appreciate something good.
Helllpp. Im use to dating the tough guys who only want sex, im sick of it, most
good guys ive dealed with were unattractive but good men. -- M.
Most of the
men I know are hung up on packaging. Before they will even CONSIDER asking a
woman out she has to be slim with big tits. fit, blonde, with long hair, and of
course WHITE!! That is the first criteria used for screening women. Not
intellignce, not common interests, not disposition, not level of ambition, and
certainly not character, just the packaging....and it has to be a very specific
package. Everyone else who doesn't fit that package gets automatically relegated
to the "just friends pile".
Just like in Monopoly, don't pass go, go directly to the just friends pile". If
men want to be treated better, then the initial screening criteria they use has
to transcend the external. I don't see that happen. I have seen men treated very
badly by some airhead. I even know one guy who had 2 count em 2 of his slim, fit
blondes with big tits screw around on him with his best friend and yet he didn't
change his criteria. He passed up all kinds of truly wonderful women and finally
ended up marrying a very manipulative, whiney woman when he was well past 40.
They deserve each other and he got exactly what he deserves. -- A.
Hi Mimi,
Just read this email and thought WOW if I had a dollar for everytime a guy said
women like jerks etc etc i'd be rich!
I have dated for the past year and come across nice guys and jerks. The jerks
are insecure and find it intimidating that I actually dont need a man...I would
like a man instead to add to my life instead of making a minus emotionally. The
nice guys just dont make the relationship measure for me because they too have
become possessive and insecure. I would choose a nice guy anyday! and the jerks
wouldnt even last a minute! Even though im sick of being single, nice or jerk
there needs to be a connection! -- Rebecca
This is j and I'm really begining
to believe that men prefer B*%3#es
also. I've gotten nices as I've entered my thirties. I think I will be
better off learning to be that B#%^H I was in my thirtes.....Men say
they want a good woman - they don't AT ALL, they want a B/#$H!!!!!
--J.
Dear Mimi,
I really don't think that any woman wants to be treated badly! I do want a man
who is intelligent, honest, and caring. someone who can discuss topics of
interest and is a problem-solver. One who works hard at whatever he does and
that includes our relationship. I want a man who is masculine and strong; not
egotistical, but who cares about his body, looks, dress, personal grooming and
physical habits. Sorry, but I don't want a pudgy soft body or little boyish
mannerisms; I want him be a man in all ways. I want to be flirted with in a sexy
manner and held tightly in his arms. I want his kisses to set me dreaming. I
don't want much, do I.
Susan
Hi this response is from Kathy
I'll just start by saying "There is no excuse for bad behaviour."
Read that again.
Read it one more time. Memorize it. Men and women are both accountable for their
behaviour, that means if they act like pigs, they know it and they have no
excuse for bad behaviour. If you want to be treated like a lady (or a
gentleman), act like one. If you want the real thing, BE the real thing. BE
honest. BE real.
Hi Mimi,
You nailed it when you mentioned if this person lost her attraction so quickly
it will probably get worse... You're right because it happened to me
before...good luck, the works, but I was starting to get turned off for some
reason...this guy was just boring....
Thanks,
Karen
I have a girlfriend who heard about a book that says men like b-t-h-s,
she thinks this is the way to get a good man. I am getting a divorce after 24
years, my husband was having an affair. I am open to give and receive love as
well as trust a man again. I think everyone wants a connection no matter what
they say. I feel like I'm 20 again, only wiser and more loving.
Regards,
Carrol
Hi --
I can't figure out for the life of me, why I have so many "one date wonders"
I just can't figure out how I attract these guys. They seem nice at first
(usually are from on line) and then when we meet.. ick. It is like every guy in
Southern California is looking for Malibu Barbie.. all body - no brains.
And the funny thing is that they forget to look in the mirror and see that
they aren't Ken.
Oh well.... I keep trying .. and sooner or later .. I'll met Mr. Right.
D
Been there, done that. I left my undependable, penniless, carefree lover
for
a handsome, intelligent, wealthy, adoring man, but as hard as I tried, I
couldn't get past his many nervous habits and went back to 'the jerk'.
After sitting home many a night, I decided to give another admirer a chance.
He loved good food, expensive clothes, beautiful music and was a great
dancer.
However...he was ultra serious and conservative and I need to laugh
to be happy. So once again I am back with the guy who has none of the
attributes the others did, but I am so comfortable with him. We walk
together, (no gas) cook together, (my food) just relax together (my TV)...but
most important, we laugh a lot together. The 'jerk' is loaded with
personality! What is the matter with me that I can't be happy with guys who
can offer me a stable, worry-free life??
Audre
Hi Mimi,
It's strange how what this guy reader said is something one of my suitors said
too, because i totally have the hots for an ex boyfriend who told me he loves me
yet doesn't treat me like how i think i deserve to be treated, but i still
totally have the hots for him.
On the contrary, this suitor and my others fail miserably the more they try
harder. Does that apply to my relationship with my ex too - because i'm always
the one working hard?
Cheers,
Tricia
What advise do you have for women who
end up dating or even marrying men who do not show their true selves ...only
until after you are deep into the relationship or, worse yet, end up married to
them ? I went with a man for two years ,married him,and was with him for another
2 1/2 years before I left and divorced him ! It took me that long to figure out
and discover he had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).
After we married,
he did things behind my back to scare me (gaslighting) and tried to essentially
drive me crazy. I couldn't figure out why things were going wrong, not working,
items were missing,car keys missing then magically reappearing in the spot I
left them in, etc. Even a Pastor friend of mine told me the whole relationship
was a fraud and I was deceived and tricked into marrying,and I needed to leave !
Mimi, wish you would do a whole book on men with NPD and the warning signs. It
would spare many women a lot of grief and even save some lives.
Oh, and BTW,
after my divorce from the NUTJOB, he went right out and found himself another
victim and married her within 8 months after our divorce was final ! And, I am
told ,she minored in Psychology !!!!!! People who have NPD are MASTERS OF
DISGUISE . I find all the info and advice you give very helpful and wish I had
known it all before. I love to read your advice to others . But, frankly, I am
not 'looking' anymore. I am free and content with my life at this point.
Sign me : Free and Happy to be Me (please do not use my real name )
Hi,
Mimi! I'm worried about my friend Lisa (not her real name)
Lisa is 19, a sophomore in college and she's as innocent as they come (never had
a boyfriend). She's getting herself into a mess though. She got a very good job
out of state for the summer but Lisa's planning to live with a violent man who
is not her boyfriend. She probably won't have to pay any rent, which is a plus,
but I am so concerned for her. This guy is 'playfully' violent with women and
with Lisa in particular. He carries around knives, pokes women, and 'wrestles'
with them, and often 'accidentally' injures these girls. He's attracted to Lisa.
He even asked Lisa out but she said NO. She won't go out with him but she'll
live with him?
I don't know what to make of this situation and am worried for
Lisa's safety. What should I say to Lisa? How do you talk a young woman out of
'going for the Jerk'?
Thanks
-A concerned friend
More responses will be
posted.
Is it difficult to
attract the right men? Bob Grant
says no!
"Once the realization comes to my
clients that attracting a man is
pretty simple, love seems to find
them, almost as though it was
waiting on them right around the
corner." -- Bob Grant
Bob Grant is the author of "How Do I Get Him Back"
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